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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22419355">The House of Lamentation Text Log</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varydox/pseuds/Varydox'>Varydox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shall We Date?: Obey Me!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, texts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:41:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22419355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varydox/pseuds/Varydox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just going to be a collection of texts between the boys and OC/MC, Penelope Carson.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Asmodeus/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub &amp; Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor &amp; Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan &amp; Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character &amp; Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Bed Wed Behead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have like 10 notes on my phone of Obey Me fic stuff, this was just something fun I thought of and figured I'd out it up.</p><p>Nelly is in a poly relationship with Beel and Mammon.</p><p>ETA: all of the boys have potential to be a partner</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Asmo: You know what we haven't done in awhile?</p><p>Levi: here we go...</p><p>Asmo: BWBH!!!</p><p>Beel: no.</p><p>Nells: what's BWBH?</p><p>Satan: it's a silly game of Asmo's. Bed, Wed, Behead</p><p>Nells: oh</p><p>Nells: so Fuck Marry Kill?</p><p>Asmo: it sounds so crass and unromantic when you say it that way.</p><p>Beel: I don't like this game.</p><p>Levi: why haven't I blocked your number, Asmo?</p><p>Asmo: You wound me, brother dear.</p><p>Asmo: c'mon, Nelly! Of the seven of us, who would you BWBH?</p><p>Lucifer: just ignore him, Penelope. You won't hurt anyone's feelings if you don't play along.</p><p>Nells: is it cliche to say I wouldn't want any of you beheaded? Just have y'all join a harem? </p><p>Belphie: boo!</p><p>Satan: yes.</p><p>Nells: fine, give me a second.</p><p>Asmo: obviously, bed Beel because that body is 🔥 wed Belphie cuz he's just such a cutie, and behead Mammon because..  well who's actually going to bed or wed him.</p><p>Mammon: WHAT THE FUCK </p><p>Mammon: PLENTY OF PEOPLE WOULD</p><p>Mammon: AND THEY'D BE HONORED</p><p>Mammon: I hate you </p><p>Satan: Nelly?</p><p>Nells: fuck Mammon, marry Beel, kill Levi. Just because he'd probably respawn.</p><p>Asmo: you don't have to pick Mammon, my lovely human, not when I am so available.</p><p>Nells: nah. Mammon's good at it.</p><p>Levi: wow.</p><p>Satan: smoothe</p><p>Belphie: well that's just gross.</p><p>Nells: I mean, I imagine he might be.</p><p>Nells: not that I imagine that</p><p>Nells: ever </p><p>Lucifer: what an unfortunate turn this has taken.</p><p>Mammon: delete this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. What were you doing?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mammon: Guys</p>
<p>Mammon: Guys, have you seen my DDD?</p>
<p>Levi: Oh you, poor idiot.</p>
<p>Lucifer: Have you checked your hands?</p>
<p>Mammon: This isn't Mammon</p>
<p>Mammon: It's Nelly. I can't find my DDD</p>
<p>Asmo: Mammon just gave you his DDD?</p>
<p>Mammon: He's letting me borrow it real quick. Seriously, has anyone seen it?</p>
<p>Beel: It's not in the kitchen</p>
<p>Mammon: Thanks, Beel. </p>
<p>Satan: Where have you looked?</p>
<p>Mammon: I've checked my room, my bag, the dining room... I just had it an hour ago.</p>
<p>Satan: What were you doing an hour ago?</p>
<p>Lucifer: Found it.</p>
<p>Satan: ...</p>
<p>Asmo: ...</p>
<p>Beel: ...</p>
<p>Levi: ...</p>
<p>Levi: this is bullshit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sick Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Belphie: Right, nobody panic.</p><p>Satan: Why would we panic?</p><p>Nells: Belphie, it's fine, ok?</p><p>Belphie: Nelly is sick.</p><p>Mammon: WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE SICK?!</p><p>Nells: I'll be fine, guys.</p><p>Nells: It's probably just a cold or something.</p><p>Beel: I'll make you some soup.</p><p>Nells: You really don't have to.</p><p>Mammon: Yeah, bro, cuz I'M gonna make her some soup.</p><p>Nells: Nobody make me soup.</p><p>Asmo: I have some amazing masks that might help you feel refreshed.</p><p>Satan: Would you like for me to bring you some books? </p><p>Nells: Guys, seriously.</p><p>Lucifer: That's enough, all of you. </p><p>Nells: Thank you, Lucifer.</p><p>Lucifer: I'll ask Lord Diavolo if Barbatos can bring over some soup.</p><p>Nells: Ugh.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sick Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nells: Okay, for the millionth time, guys, I'm going to be fine.</p>
<p>Belphie: Sure.</p>
<p>Asmo: Of course, love.</p>
<p>Satan: We hear you loud and clear.</p>
<p>Nells: Then why can I hear you all outside my door?</p>
<p>Levi: outside your door, nobody is.</p>
<p>Nells: Lie to me, do not.</p>
<p>Levi: ❗❗❗</p>
<p>Nells: I'm sick, not stupid. </p>
<p>Nells: JJJJJJJSNSBbsnajndnsh jdj</p>
<p>Mammon: No need to thank me, I got her.</p>
<p>Lucifer: What is happening up there?</p>
<p>Levi: LMAO I think Nelly bit Mammon </p>
<p>Asmo: Aw, Nelly! I had no idea you were into that sort of thing!</p>
<p>Belphie: Ew.</p>
<p>Satan: What's her temperature?</p>
<p>Beel: Did she eat the soup?</p>
<p>Levi: She ate the soup 👍🏻</p>
<p>Beel: 👍🏻</p>
<p>Belphie: But what's her temperature?</p>
<p>Levi: Stupidmammon says  103</p>
<p>Satan: 103?!</p>
<p>Asmo: I thought that was too high for a human?</p>
<p>Belphie: Dumbass probably read it wrong</p>
<p>Levi: 103 F</p>
<p>Beel: Oh.</p>
<p>Lucifer: That's still high for a human.</p>
<p>Belphie: So we should call a doctor?</p>
<p>Lucifer: I'll call Diavolo.</p>
<p>Levi: Take your time, the video I'm taking is going to get so many views on DevilTube ROFLMAO</p>
<p>Satan: I worry about you, Levi.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Two Dads and a Cherub</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beel: I saw Solomon and Simeon talking to Nelly during rush.</p><p>Mammon: WHAT?!</p><p>Beel: Mhm</p><p>Mammon: ASMO TELL YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND TO STAY THE HELL AWAY</p><p>Asmo: He’s not my boyfriend, you dolt. Nell, what did they want?</p><p>Nells: Uh… Luke wanted me to spend the night at Purgatory Hall, but he was too nervous to ask me.</p><p>Belphie: Damned Chihuahua.</p><p>Nells: I thought it was cute, like a kid asking his parents if he can have a friend over.</p><p>Lucifer: Except Solomon and Simeon are the parents.</p><p>Nells: Aw, they’d make such a cute couple</p>
  </div></div>
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